Posts Tagged ‘gossip’

People talk. We just do, it’s what sets us apart from the animal world and it’s what makes our world so complicated.

We tend to talk alot about other peoples lives, sometimes favourably and sometimes unfavourably. Sometimes we are genuinely catching up/passing on the news of a friend, colleague or family member however sometimes the intention is no so kind and peoples feelings get hurt.

It’s never pleasant to hear something back about yourself, particularly if it’s not what you believe to be true. For instance, a woman I’ve been working with, I’ll call her ’Olive’, heard back from a friend that her sister had been speaking badly about her, labelling her as selfish and disloyal. Olive was absolutely mortified and soooo hurt that her sister thought this of her. Olive said that she definitely saw herself as the opposite to that and felt that she had been very supportive of her sister over the years - “how dare she!”  said Olive.

With that I asked Olive 2 questions:

1. How do you know your sister actually said that about you?     “I don’t” said Olive
If you really are concerned about what you’ve heard the very first thing to do is to ask the person who allegedly said it if in fact they actually did! I only recommend this if you are close to the person, if you are only an acquaintance then I say ‘let it go’, they don’t know you well enough to comment so there’s no need to take offence. The fact that they’re gossiping says much more about their character than yours. It is a case by case decision but always take your time to decide if it’s worth the fuss. If something critical was said, it can often be taken out of context, blown out of proportion and delvered to you from someone who loves a bit of drama…think Chinese whisperers. 

2. Do you think you are selfish and/or disloyal?   “No, I don’t” said Olive
THE most important thing is what you think of yourself and if you are comfortable with the way you manage your relationships and learn from your mistakes. In Olives case she intially felt the comment was totally unjustified however as it turned out the comment was made specifically about a family crisis from years gone by to which everyone handled as best they could in their own way and whilst Olive didn’t believe she was unsupported of her sister she knew that her sister felt otherwise. Sometimes we just can’t meet the needs of other people as well as our own and, as adults it is up to us to meet our own needs to the best of our ability. In particularly challenging times that may mean asking for help but make sure it’s from someone who is removed from the situation and who is able to provide the support you need.

A happy ending for Olive: Olive and her sister met for dinner and talked openly about the family crisis. It ended up in hugs and tears so all is well there. 

 A new beginning for you: Think before you react. People talk, sometimes NOT listening is the best approach. What matters is that you’re accountable for your behaviour.

Remember the saying ’sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me’. Live by it.

I’m here if you ever need a hand to get smiling again.

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