Archive for the ‘happiness’ Category

LFT stands for Low Frustration Tolerance.

Clinical psychologist Albert Ellis described it as ‘can’t standitis’  because people who suffer from it are often heard complaining ”I can’t stand this or that”.

If you are a person who thinks things ‘should‘ be a certain way or that people ‘should‘ behave a certain way then you are probably are sufferer of LFT to some degree.
The normal frustrations of day to day life most likely agitate you a great deal which only heightens your stress levels and further lowers your tolerance.
A downward spiral on the best of days.

What to do?

Think good things. Challenge your thoughts. Step up to the LFT monster!
Remind yourself that everyone has to endure inconveniences and frustrations and that sometimes things don’t go the way we would like them to. 
Self discipline is required here.
Self discipline is what you will become better at when you commit to self care.

So, again my friend, the mantra reigns supreme: exercise, eat well & think good things and tell the LFT monster to go jump because you just won’t ‘tolerate’ it any more!

More on this topic can be found in Dr Sarah Edelman’s book ‘Change Your Thinking’ published by ABC Books or for more personal support, book in with me and we’ll face it together.

One other thing: I’ve been doing the blogging thing for about 6 months now and I would love to keep doing it and would love it to grow and grow and grow so if you do like it can you please  A) subscribe and B) recommend it to you everyone you know (especially people in high places in the media!)

Thanks, hugs and smiles
Jo

You can have what you want if you are tenacious.
You can be what you want if you commit to thinking the thoughts that will make you that way.
You can do what you want if you follow the right path. 

OR you can just stay exactly as you are; not growing or changing, not learning or risking, not engaging or exploring, not loving or sharing.

This may seem easier (and safer) but it’s probably not going to make you smile much and honestly, your life should be worth smiling about. 
So, be courageous and go for the lot.
Teeny weeny steps is all it takes to start. 
Remember that every person you admire took baby steps to achieve great things. 
Small steps, good strong positive tenacious thoughts AND, of course regular exercise and good nutrition.
Everyday.

Go forth with confidence my friend, you’ll feel your smile instantly widen.

How beautiful do you think you are?
I mean it - how beautiful, inside and out, are you? OR more importantly, do you treat yourself  and others ‘beautifully’?

For instance – are you kind, compassionate and patient (to yourself and to others) or are you more judgemental, cynical and intolerant?

Physically, do you loathe yourself and therefore trash yourself with too much of the wrong things and hardly a skerrick of exercise?
OR do you respect yourself and therefore care for yourself with regular exercise, good nutrition and indulge in moderation?

Do you offer yourself, your loved ones, friends and colleagues more positives than negatives?
Do you listen to the messages your body and mind offer you everyday? (be calm, drink water, say sorry, ask for help, go to bed, have a workout etc)

It’s simple stuff like this which makes you beautiful – not what you’re wearing or what body shape you are.

Treat yourself and others beautifully and you’ll receive more beauty in return than you’ve ever imagined. 

PS. Thanks so much for being a part of Urban Smiler, it makes me feel beautiful everyday! 

Here’s a list of virtues I believe cultivate the life of a ’Smiler’.
May you cultivate such a life yourself and may you always look as happy as the two friends above!
  

1. Exercise. Do something everyday to maintain physical strength, mental clarity and a positive spirit and notice how much more you smile!  

2. Eat Well. Enjoy a balanced diet, no restrictions. Everything in moderation is the best approach, life is too short to miss out on things that make you smile. 

3. Think Good Things. A Positive Mental Attitude (PMA) is essential to being a Smiler. Apply it to everything and everyone. Life is full of inconveniences and disappointments BUT it’s also full of opportunities and blessings. It’s all in your attitude …are you a Frowner or a Smiler? 

4. Discover P & M. Everything you do has a purpose, when you determine the purpose of a task it will automatically add meaning. For instance, the purpose of having a workout is to maintain your health which is what enables you to do, have and be all that you want which is what keeps you smiling. On a more mundane level, the purpose of domestic duties is to keep everything clean and in its place which means a more enjoyable and relaxing place for everyone living there. Harmony at home is a wonderful thing. 

5. Be a Realist: There are no quick fixes to health, wealth, weight losss or happiness. Don’t get sucked in – it’s almost a given that you’ll end up in worse condition than when you started – particularly mentally and emotionally. These things are all step by step, day by day projects which require equal measures of focus, persistence and PMA accompanied by a pocket full of smiles!  

6. Accountability. Looking for excuses and reasons as to why things aren’t as they ‘could/should’ be?  Look inside not out, that’s where the answers are. Do this and I promise you’ll smile more. 

7.  Health.  Your health – mental, physical and emotional - is your number 1 priority. Without it you’re no good to anyone or anything. Invest in it daily and you’ll smile more, inside and out. 

8. The 3 R’s  
Relationships. Manage them with love, tolerance and compassion. Everyone has flaws, you can either frown at them or smile at them. 
Relaxation:  Learn what it feels like to really relax. Sit quietly and just breath, it’s more enjyable than you think and more rewarding than you can imagine. It makes you smile on the inside.
Read:  Keep your mind active – read often and learn stuff. Your brain will smile more. 

9. Nurture yourself
Too many people make the mistake of relying on their partner, family and friends to meet all their needs. This is nor reasonable or wise. Firstly because it’s not their job and secondly because your self esteem needs you to do it; self reliance = self confidence = self esteem=self care etc…You need to learn how to meet your own needs, nurture your own dreams and to genereally make yourself smile, inside and out.  

10. Smile.  It seems that the older we get the more serious we become. Of course there are more responsibilities and life does get a bit more complicated as we get older but that should not stop us from smiling (see #4). Do things which make you smile and laugh, hang out with people who make you smile and laugh and when neither seems accessible take a moment to reflect on all the times you’ve had which made you smile or laugh your head off.   

Want to implement some of this stuff? That’s what I do – I cultivate Smilers! 
Email me anytime:  jo@urbansmiler.com 

I love that song - Single Ladies by Beyonce.  ”if you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it”
It’s all about committment and I’m all for committment, especially in relation to health.
Here’s a different spin on Beyonce’s hit for you which I hope will lead you to think about committing to your health.

“Putting a ring on it“ in this context means committing to self care.
If you like yourself then you’d better commit to yourself. (and seriously, if you don’t like yourself then you’d better email me and we’ll get that sorted)

Committing to yourself means caring for yourself.  

On a daily basis self care means ‘keeping your mind on the mantra – exercise, eat well and think good things.
It also means brushing your teeth, managing your stress, getting enough sleep and making time to ‘play’.

On a more long term basis it means going to the dentist twice a year, having a health check once a year and booking in for any ‘age appropriate’ health checks as you reach each milestone. 
It also means making time for holidays – with and without the kids.
It means you need to commit to addressing the issues that are limiting you in any way so that you continue to move forward in all aspects of your life.
It also means accepting that everyone has flaws and that tolerance and compassion are essential to maintaining relationships.

Committing to yourself means committing to smiling more inside and out so please, show yourself the love and put a ring on it!

To keep your mind smiling you need to keep exploring.
To keep your mind exploring you need to keep yourself physically well.
To keep yourself physically well you need a mind which highly values self care.
Self care = self esteem and and vice versa. This provides the self confidence required to ’explore’.  

Self Care for the Mind:
Read widely. Books (fiction & non), mags, journals, reports, comics, blogs. Read something everyday. 
Watch a variety of TV shows, docos, movies.
Talk to all sorts of wierd and wonderful people. Appreciate their differences.
Do a course, study something. Keep learning and providing your brain with new information to sort through. 
Take time out every week to reflect. Learn from your mistakes, be grateful for all you have and stay focused on what you’re working towards.
Take time out every week just to think. Explore your ideas and the ideas of others, it will enliven you.
Manage your worries by talking to your ’confidant’ – a stable friend/family member, counsellor, therapist. It’s often better to lean on an indepnadant mentor who is not involved in your life and therefore has no particular investment in any particular outcome.   
Be open to the diversity life offers and be mindful of the fact that it would be remarkably dull without it. 

Self care for the body. 
Make exercise a part of your day. It’s essential NOT optional.
Do a variety of exercises which keep your body strong and flexible as well as ones which keep your heart and lungs healthy.
Eat well everyday. Eat appropriately portioned nutritional foods MOST of the time.
Sleep. Don’t underestimate the importance of sleeping well, it restores and rejuvenates your entire being.
Hydrate. Drinks lots of water everyday. 
Touch. Enjoy a big warm hug or have a massage. Your mind will benefit immensely from it.

Explore and smile.
It’s a wonderful life we have here, you gotta love it warts and all!

One of the best ways to cultivate happiness is to ‘think good things’ about yourself and your life. I’m a devoted practitioner of ‘daily reflection time’ and am proud to say that the end of every day I always identify ‘my top 3 smilers’ (3 things that made me smile that day) then at the end of every week I do a summary of them all. It takes no more than a couple of minutes but the boost it gives me lasts for ages. I either do it while I’m driving, when I’m in the shower or when I’m cosily tucked in to bed at night. I can’t recommend it enough.

Please don’t get the wrong impression of me, I’m not in ‘happiness la-la land’ – I have my share of challenges to face but I’m able to face them with courage and confidence knowing that there is also plenty of good in my life.

Here are my top 5 smilers for this week.

1. Snorkling with Bobby and our kids. (family time)
This was a hugely rewarding experience for me. After 6 years as a single parent it was wonderful to do something ‘as a family’ (albeit a blended one)

2. Feedback from my appearance on A Current Affair (professional acknowledgement)
I received so many phone calls, emails and messages from people who had either watched or heard about my Pantry make-over segment on A Current Affair last week. It was wonderful. Thanks to everyone who got in touch to congratulate, encourage and praise me for my first television appearance.

3. ‘Health Coaching’ enquiry from Urban Smiler  (business)
I’ve only had my ‘Health Coaching’ page up on this site for a couple of months and this week I received my very first enquiry from it. I’d love to receive more so please, spread the word!     

4. Dinner at the Point Leo Boat Club (social/community connection)
After a perfect day on the beach we (Bobby, kids, family & friends) wandered up to the club house and threw together a delicious BBQ dinner. Social and relaxing, it was an ideal end to the day. 

5. 2009 Reflection (self care)
I spent time in the bath this week just reflecting back on 2009 and I concluded that overall I had a a sensational year. I achieved most of the things I set out to achieve and I fell in love. What more?

What would your top 5 smilers be for this week?

Every day you have thousands and thousands of thoughts and every one of those thoughts has an affect on your feelings and behaviour at some level.  I feel confident in assuming that, like millions of other people, a lot of the thoughts floating around your head are ‘negative’. Negative thoughts are extremely unhelpful because they don’t make you feel good about yourself, they don’t inspire you to takes steps towards your goals and dreams and they don’t  foster respectful loving relationships in your life. They’re just plain trouble.

Point: Every unhelpful thought can be swapped with a helpful thought.

Positive thoughts, on the other hand are helpful. They are the thoughts which boost your self esteem, energy and drive. They’re the ones which keep you connected to and moving towards your visions for the future. And they’re the thoughts which help you manage your health and your relationships with compassion and respect. They make you smile more, inside and out!

Nutshell: Take the time, make the effort, do the work – swap your unhelpful thoughts for helpful ones and smile more.

Here’s a little A to Z list to help kick start your week with a smile…

A is for ACCOUNTABILITY: It’s you health and your life, be accountable for it.

B is for BEST: Do your best, be your best and think the best of everyone around you.

C is for CONNECTION: Connect yourself with people on a regular basis, it’ll keep you smiling.

D is for DANCE: Put some upbeat music on and let your body move. There are no rules.

E is for EXERCISE: It’s essential to your well-being that you do some form of exercise everyday.

F is for FUN: Lighten up, let your hair down, cut loose - whatever cranks your tractor!

G is for GRATEFUL: Being grateful for all the little things affirms life as a blessing rather than a burden.

H is for HUG: There’s nothing like a genuine hug form a trusted friend. Ask and you shall receive.

I is for INTEGRITY: Know what your values and beliefs are and live by them.  

J is for JOCULARITY: Don’t take life too seriously, draw on your sense of humour as much as possible. 

K is for KISS: Keep it simple sweetheart! 

L is for LOVE: Love IS the answer. Love for the self, love for others and love for life.

M is for MISTAKES: You will make them, but will you learn from them?

N is for NOW: Enjoy the moment.

O is for OUTCOMES: They may not always be the one you wanted or expected, learn to adjust and go with it.

P is for POSITIVITY: There is ALWAYS an upside.

Q is for QUIET: Take a few minutes out here and there to sit quietly and reflect. This is a priceless activity.

R is for READ: Broadly and often. 

S is for SLEEP:  Don’t under-estimate it, rest is a weapon!

T is for TRUTH:  Lies hurt more than the truth.

U is for UNDERSTANDING: It’s not all about you, be more understanding of other peoples circumstances.

V is for VARIETY: It absolutely is the spice of life!

W is for WORK: Work at/on something which stimulates you. It doesn’t have to be your money earning  job.

X is for EXPECTATIONS: Make sure they are fair and realistic.

Y is for YOGA: Keep your body and mind flexible with yoga. Or at the very least yoga-style stretching.  

Z is for ZEST: Approach your life with zest and you’ll always be happy!

Happy Monday to you!
 

love,
Smiler